she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
