i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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