Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
