I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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