I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They took my balls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
