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Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
