dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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