I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
