Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
