We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
