he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
