I can feel you judging me through the phone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
