I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
