So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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