Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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