Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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