Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
