I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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