Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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