I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
high people should be assigned attendants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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