..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize