i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why didn't you poke me back
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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