I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're like the curious george of whores
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
