her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
