Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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