I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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