Acid is not a monday night drug
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
