okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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