I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
