There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
