well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
