Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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