It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
