:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
