Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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