I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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