yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
