the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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