I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
