Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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