So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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