you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
