So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
