Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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