so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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