I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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