we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
