I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
