I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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