ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
