i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
