i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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