The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
