My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize