Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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