So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
