does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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