R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
