i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
