the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize