i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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