I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
