your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
