and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
