He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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