Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
