I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
