Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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