hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
