Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
