i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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