I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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