You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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