Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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