You're my little dorito
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
