Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
